evident love || part 1
So recently we (my siblings and I) found my old blackberry , still working but a bit outdated of course. So my baby - Kabi (my living breathing angel is a more appropriate description, but that's beside the point right now) has been using it as her source of entertainment. Which includes taking pictures of every thing around her (especially me- when I least expect it).
{So, we are getting to the point soon. Lol} With that said, a couple of weeks ago, she took the pics below. And at the time they were just blurry pics taken by a 7 year old - Until one afternoon after watching yet another emotional episode of Greys Anatomy, which ended with a sad song and whatever that Meredith was narrating stuck to me. And at that moment, I was taken back to a time in my life where I felt so unloved. Not because I wasn't loved at all, but more like loved wrong or by the wrong people. It felt more like receiving an empty love. Which is by far, the heaviest of things any heart can ever carry.
These blurry pictures somehow say to me: 'Maybe this is how your past lovers have always seen you'' - faded and less deserving of anything with sugar and spice. Lovers whom my happiness was never worth their efforts. Lovers who came and left like they were never there to begin with.
And I was always there for them, but often much they barely saw me. Actually too often that I had to learn how to hold myself to feel my own presence. Between then and now a lot has changed. Between then and now is a woman who has learned to say ''no'' to a ''take, take, take, but never receive back anything'' kinda love. Between then and now, I've learned to love myself. And each and every day I love myself more into visibility, the kinda love that screams ''I am here and I deserve to be here''.
The point is: Dont let a 7 year old take pictures of you.
