Veni, Vidi, Amavi: Post break up Glow

Love finds us when we least expect it. We reluctantly let it in and some day you wake up knee deep into it and its too late for you to run. When I realised this: I wrote: 23 and in love - a poem about finding love that knows how to love me well...

I was never so sure of a person like I was with her. And post all of this is waking up one day to learn that your forever ends that day. All of my being was shattered when that realization sat on me. And I had to remind myself: even the most beautiful of things end. That relationships end. That you can try to control everything in your life so that it takes the shape of your desires but you cant control love.

Love will find you. And sometimes when it does, it will make you a better person. And sometimes more often than your heart appreciates - It will leave. In the midst of all of this, the love you have for yourself will have to carry you through. This is when I realized the mistake I had done. I got too comfortable with being loved and cherished so well by someone else, that I got away with not loving myself at times. Nothing will teach you how to better love yourself more than having to accept that the one one who was meant to stay isn't going to stay. And you have to love yourself out of the disappointment. Love yourself out of the heartbreak. Healing in these times looks a whole lot like self love and self care.

And self love after a heartbreak includes choosing to not carry the guilt that came with loving someone wholly and still not being loved enough for them to stay. It also looks like acceptance - that maybe forever isn't such a long time, sometimes all you will get from forever is a year and three months and that's okay too.

May I never walk a day on this earth, spiteful at the world for love that didn't stay when I wanted and needed it to. Instead, may I always find different and beautiful ways to love myself back to healing. It came, I loved and even when it left, the love for myself kept me whole and going.

With that said, my 2018 lesson that I am taking from love is that, sometimes Love changes. Sometimes life gets hard and "I'd stay" turns into ''I have to take care of myself right now''. And sometimes those who loved us beautifully cannot continue to do so - and that is okay. So we just have to live and let go.