small reminders
I dont think the world knows how to love
When it attempts to, it feels the need to alter you
The world loves the version of you it wants you to be
The first time I learned this, I had to teach myself how to always be on check mode, always checking if I haven't given in, to see if I am not a shadow of myself yet
The last time I felt like I needed the world to love me back, it drained every bit of myself out of me
It felt as though it had thrown me away from myself and I had to learn how to navigate back to find me
When I finally did find myself, I realised I wasn’t the same girl anymore
That the world had changed me.
Nothing screams lost like looking in a mirror and seeing a stranger reflected back
My body was housing the idea of the girl I wanted to be and the girl the world had turned me into
The contrast left me confused that I ended up embracing the girl the world wanted me to be
But loving that version of myself felt like betrayal to the girl I was meant be but wasn’t
I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I was just a perfect stranger to self.
Caught in a life I didn’t belong to
Little by little with each day passing by it felt like I was losing myself even more
I lost tiny bits of myself everyday into silence
So I spoke less,
cried less,
barely arrived anywhere and even when I did,
I couldn’t get all of myself there
This is bow you become less yourself
By discarding the girl you were always meant to be to embody who you are told to be
To feel like an intruder in your own skin
by listening to everyone's voices over yours
and this is perhaps how you learn that apart from everyone else,
maybe you also dont know how to navigate the journey of self love yourself
So you let them undo who you are to grow into an easier version that they could learn to love someday - if they desire to
And now you are stuck as a skeleton of yourself
Not knowing how to begin to change back to the real you
and the beauty about evolving, is that there is always room to change into a truer version of yourself
